“For every Christmas decoration put up before Thanksgiving, an elf kills a baby reindeer,” says the Mr. Scrooge in your family. You may feel like the only family member that wants to spread a little Christmas spirit. However, believing that Christmas is too great of a holiday to be limited to about 29 days of acceptable festivities, isn’t as much of a sin as you may think. Also, I think we should mention that Thanksgiving isn’t all that great either; you have family members coming down that you have respectfully ignored all year, your parents are stressed out by all the mediocre dishes they have to make, and your mom forcing you to put on jeans just to go eat dinner in your own house.

According to a survey from Cision PR Newswire, 87% of people say they put out their Christmas decorations Thanksgiving weekend or before. Here is a list of reasons why Christmas needs to get a little extra love, especially this year.

• Covid-19 

Given the horrible year that 2020 has bestowed upon us, everyone could use some joy to finish off this year. Christmas is known for its contagious spread of happiness. Why would we want to limit joy in 2020?

• Too Little Time to Celebrate

Because of all the traditions, movies, candies, and decorations, too many things go unnoticed about Christmas due to the hectic days of holiday shopping and spending time with family. When Christmas is given more time to celebrate, it takes a lot of pressure off of the people who do choose to celebrate this holiday.

• Amazing Music

The music that plays everywhere between the two holidays does not get enough appreciation. The happiness and joy it spreads are unmatched and for this genre to only be played for less than one month is distasteful. And I don’t hear any classic Thanksgiving music while we’re putting up our “Thanksgiving decorations”.

• Classic Movies

The Grinch, The Polar Express, A Christmas Story, and many more. These movies are beloved by almost everyone yet they are only acceptable to watch for such a small window of time. Being able to watch these movies without restraint on the date, is a must.

At the end of the day, not everyone enjoys the extra cheer and happiness that Christmas brings and chooses to be that person, claiming that Thanksgiving is just as important. We all know that all that Thanksgiving is only good for the break from school and an excuse for your clothes being too tight, we all know they were tight before you ate 2 platefuls and then dessert. And BTW it’s “Bah-Hum-BUG”, Anthony.

There are blasphemers out there who argue why we, as a society, should destigmatize the celebration of Christmas BEFORE Thanksgiving, and to them, I say, “Bah Hug-Bum!” (or whatever the saying is…).

 “Just want to experience holiday cheer early,” they say. Well is Thanksgiving not a holiday capable of being experienced cheerfully? What makes Christmas so special? (Aside from being the birthday of Jesus and all…) This public misgiving about Thanksgiving has been tolerated for years, but I say no more! 

I am furious. 

I am mad. 

And I’m not gonna take this quietly anymore! 

Here are my reasons for why I think celebrating Christmas in November (rather than December) is malicious, sacrilege, and unAmerican:

• The Plague                                                                              

Although COVID-19 has been terrible this year, there is another disease that has been plaguing us for years. Although researchers have not come up with a name for it, I personally refer to it as “X-Mania.” The earliest onset of this syndrome is in November and renders those afflicted with the manic urge to prematurely celebrate X-Mas. Symptoms include a loss of punctuality and Thanksgiving amnesia (that is, the forgetfulness that such a holiday even exists). The disease is also very contagious, as evidenced by the fact that if one sufferer sets up a nativity set on their front lawn, the whole street will do the same after. The only current remedy that experts recommend is to buy the individual a calendar and hope for the best; the success rate is variable. I am highly skeptical of the claim that we can minimize the effects of COVID by introducing another contagion into the mix. For scientific and medical reasons, I advise against it.

• Too Little Time to Celebrate? I think not…                                  

So if two months is not enough time to celebrate a holiday that only takes up one day, then surely one could imagine how Thanksgiving feels? It practically gets 0 months since Christmas is filling up the slot. This begs the question, “What is the point of November anymore?” I mean, we might as well just have two Decembers instead. Call me crazy, but I predict in a few years, November won’t even be on the calendar anymore. That’s right, you heard me. I’m saying that this is part of a plot to wipe Thanksgiving out of existence, so as to make everyone less thankful for things and always wanting more, contributing to a dystopian future where consumerism has caused society to collapse in on itself. Remember, it’s not a conspiracy theory if it’s true. 

• The Music                                                                                         

Who said that Thanksgiving can’t have jazzy tunes? Did Christmas copyright the ability to use music or something? No, because Christmas is a holiday and not a human being. Unlike humans, holidays can’t hold pens (because they don’t have hands); therefore, it would be impossible for Christmas to fill out the necessary paperwork to have such a copyright. But make no mistake, Thanksgiving certainly has some bangers, like The Thanksgiving Song by renowned artist, Adam Sandler. And then there’s that other one by that other guy. Phew! That was a lot, so I think I’ve named enough to rest my case. 

• Classic Movies                                                                                                   

Admittedly, Thanksgiving lacks in the movie department, but ya know why? Because we live in a society that values Christmas at the expense of Thanksgiving, and as such, many people don’t want to make and/or watch films about a holiday that gets collectively neglected by the country’s entire population. Christmas has stolen the spotlight, and as a result, Thanksgiving cannot occupy the same space that’s being taken up. The lack of Thanksgiving-themed media and entertainment is a consequence of the proposition that Christmas should be celebrated earlier due to it being more enjoyable, but what makes Christmas enjoyable is the entertainment that it produces as a result of being given more time than its fellow holiday. It’s a vicious, vicious cycle and I am demanding that we get together and break the cycle. Christmas can’t outnumber us all!